My insecurities are starting to resurface. For the past few weeks I’ve been second guessing myself. I’m constantly wondering if I’m making the right decisions, sitting around waiting for some kind of sign. As a Pisces I deal with moments of fogginess. I sometimes get confused easily, and then I begin to feel overwhelmed by almost everything: Work, Motherhood and friendships. I feel this strong need to hide. I want to stay home and dream, and escape.
I’ve had moments where I look at myself in the mirror, and I don’t recognize myself. I feel as though I’m walking around in someone else’s body. It’s a strange feeling. In my natal chart, I have Venus Square Saturn. Anyone who knows anything about Astrology knows that this is an extremely difficult aspect to have. I feel unattractive, and unloveable. I feel old. I have someone in my life. I’m not in love with this someone. he revealed to me a few weeks ago that he was in love with me. I really didn’t want to hear that. As nice as he is, I feel no mental or spiritual connection to him whatsoever. He’s constantly telling how pretty I am, and how beautiful my teeth are [Yes!] But, I am so programmed to not like the way I look, I don’t believe him. I just write it off as him trying to be “Nice”, or “Trying to make me feel better.”
I’ve learned to live with my Venus/Saturn aspect. It’s just something that I deal with. yet for the past few weeks these feelings of inferiority have completely taken over. I just want some peace.