Venus Retrograde And What Oshun Has Taught Me : Self Love

 No one can Bestow happiness or lasting joy upon us if we have not found the way to joy within ourselves- Bell Hooks

I think about love quite a bit. It pretty much colors everything I do. No matter how jaded I get about relationships, I always get excited when I read love stories (especially stories about how people met) I’m the person that reads the engagement announcements in The New York Times! That’s me. Yet despite all of this, I have struggled through out my life with self love. I was an insecure child who really needed extra hugs and kisses as reassurance of love. I was raised by my grandmother who was a very practical woman (Capricorn/Moon in Scorpio) She felt that having a roof over my head, food to eat and clothing on my back was all the love I needed. She wasn’t a demonstrative woman in terms of affection. I was pretty much on my own in that department.

Oshun or Ochun in the Yoruba religion, is an Orisha who is associated with love, Intimacy and beauty. In Cuban Santeria she is an Orisha of love and marriage. While I’m not in a relationship currently, I have been using certain energies to focus on loving myself, and in a sense getting “married”  to Nicole. I put the needs of others over myself quite a bit and I have been writing a lot about setting boundaries and looking out for my own emotional and spiritual health.  Today Venus stations RX in Gemini @ 23’59 Degrees. During Venus Rx periods, we are often confronted with past issues, especially with matters concerning Love and relationships. My Natal Moon is in Gemini @ 23’32 degrees. I’ve been keeping my feelings deeply buried about certain relationship issues, but me and an ex of mine (Who also has a Gemini Moon) were discussing some of the things that went wrong in our relationship. The conversation was both painful and healing at the same time.

My Natal Saturn is in Gemini as well @ 14’17 Degrees Square Venus @ 14’04 Degrees in Pisces in the 5th house. A lot of old wounds have resurfaced and I’m experiencing so much karmically. I have a tendency to avoid a lot of painful circumstances, and I’m being forced to confront a lot. It doesn’t feel very good, but I know it needs to be done. This kind of work is never easy, yet it is necessary for my healing process. With my Moon being hit by this Venus Rx period, women have played a major role in my life. My sister who is a Gemini, and a new friend of mine (Another Gemini!) have been very inspiring. Communication is very healing for my emotional (Moon) well being and I feel very lucky to have such interesting and intelligent women in my life.

I’ve managed to convince myself that I have moved on from past relationships, but I really haven’t. I have no idea what the lesson is in all of this, but I’m keeping my eyes, ears and heart open.

Venus In Gemini Oil

• 4 drops of Lavender
• 1 drop of Peppermint
• 1 drop of Lemongrass
• 1 drop of Sweet Pea Bouquet

Awakening…

One tries to recover, to be once more in good shape, to become whole again…. And I think that is the beginning of awakening. People speak about sudden enlightenment. It is not something very difficult to understand; each of us has undergone that kind of experience in our own life. The distance separating forgetfulness, ignorance, and enlightenment—that distance is short; it is so short it is no distance at all. One may be ignorant now, but he can be enlightened in the next second. The recovering of oneself can be realized in just one portion of one second. And to be aware of who we are, what we are, what we are doing, what we are thinking, seems to be very easy thing to do—and yet it is the most important thing; to remember—the starting point of the salvation of oneself – Thich Nhat Hanh (The Raft Is Not The Shore)

Moving Mountains And The Full Moon In Scorpio

 On May 5th there will be a Full Moon in intense Passionate Scorpio. The Full Moon is a time for reflection, and the Moon in fixed Scorpio may have us feeling powerful, or even obsessive emotionally. The key is to not repress our emotions during this time.

The Scorpio Full Moon will Trine my Sun, Venus in the 5th house and Sextile my Mars in the third. The Scorpio Moon will be in my 2nd house conjunct the asteroid Pallas. Pallas deals with skills, creativity as well as energy healing through channeling. The 2nd house deals with income, possessions and what we value. The opposite house (The 8th) deals with resources from others: alimony, loans and inheritances. During the New Moon In Taurus, I had set my intentions and wrote a small list of my hopes and wishes. Some of them have come to fruition already. This Full Moon will have us really focusing on security and resources (A similar theme during the New Moon last month).

I’m dealing with a lot of Scorpionic energy with my Progressed Moon in Scorpio and my Solar Return Moon in Scorpio as well. I can’t really put into words what I’m feeling. I certainly feel intense and somewhat overwhelmed by some of the things I feel and think about. I’m not one to think about finances that much, but recently I find myself thinking about business plans and plans for the future. I have a strange relationship with money (Neptune in the 2nd) and I’d rather not discuss it. Money makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I’m learning to view money/resources differently. I think this Full Moon will be teaching me a huge lesson with the 2nd/8th house axis.

Transiting Venus is conjunct my Natal Moon in Gemini. I’ve been studying a lot more (9th house) and I find myself up until the wee hours of the morning reading and writing. The Moon rules my 10th house (career) cusp and I’ve been getting back to doing astrological readings for people. I had taken a break during the death of my grandmother in 2005 and the birth of my daughter in 2007. I’m enjoying the dialogue I’m having with clients. Its extremely rewarding.

I pulled a card for this Full Moon using the Earth Magic Oracle deck. I pulled the Mountain (strength) card. I know I’ll be facing some obstacles in the coming months (I feel it) but I like to visualize myself as this mountain: strong and firmly grounded. Transiting Saturn is Trine my Natal Moon as well and I do feel a bit more emotionally grounded in terms of how I’ve been handling upsets. Keeping it together and standing firm is what I need to be doing. I have all of these big dreams/plans and sometimes I feel like I’m tackling something so huge. I’ll be happy when I’m fully earning a living (2nd/8th houses) doing something I truly love.

Scorpio Sachet:

• 3 parts pine
• 3 parts Myrrh
• 1 part allspice
• 1 part violet flowers
• 1 part basil

You can tie these herbs and spices in some blue cloth and tie with a ribbon. Carry it close the strengthen the positive energies of Scorpio.

Color And The Heart Chakra

“Color is where the mind and the Universe meet” – Cezanne

 Color therapy is a powerful tool when it comes to healing. While reading stories about near death experiences, individuals always mention the colors they see. Our dreams are filled with images of vibrant blue skies, and rich green gardens. Color has been used to treat everything from depression to physical illness.

I’ve been drawn to the color green for about two years now. The color green just feels very friendly to me. It’s also very helpful. I feel really comforted by it. I recently bought myself a juicer and I’ve been drinking more green juices, green apples! Its green, green, green. Green also governs the heart chakra. The heart chakra is associated with the ability to receive and give love. Its linked to the lungs, heart, cardiac plexus and the circulatory system. I have a friend who is heavily into metaphysics and can see auras. He told me that my heart chakra wasn’t fully open. This didn’t surprise me one bit. I’m really good at giving love, but I’m not really good at receiving love, or gifts for that matter. I had a discussion about how I love to buy friends flowers, and do little things for those I love, but I cringe when people try to do things for me! I always feel guilty for some reason.

I remember a few months ago I was having problems breathing. It felt like my chest was really tight. It wouldn’t happen often but when it did happen I was usually having certain thoughts. These thoughts would cause anxiety and then the panic attacks would come. I have a restless mind. Its like a little hamster in a wheel, so I meditate daily. I’ve learned not to let self-doubt and fear take over me. When I have these thoughts I sit still and pinpoint what the real problem is: That my heart chakra needs work. I do a lot of journaling. These are some good questions for the heart Chakra:

• What emotional memories do I need to heal?
• What relationships current or past require healing?
• What do I need to forgive myself for?

I’m holding onto a lot of stuff (Especially relationship wise) that I need to let go of. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m working on it. There’s so much work I need to do. There are moments when I wonder If I’ll ever get past this stuff, will I ever stop being so hard on myself. There’s a lot of work to be done, but I’m up for the challenge! I can do this!

Healing Stones For The Heart Chakra:

• Aventurine: It calms free-floating anxiety, panic attacks and irregular heart rhythms.
• Quartz: Represents love, beauty, peacefulness, forgiving, self-love, and emotional balance. It opens the heart chakra to all forms of love: self-love, family love, platonic love and romantic love.

My Own Personal Vision Quest

I took a small break last weekend during the New Moon. I turned off my computer and put my phone on vibrate. I needed to clear my head. For the past two months I’ve been pretty melancholy. I’ve suffered from bouts of depression on and off for most of my life. Usually things like taking a long walk, writing or talking to some friends helps, but lately I haven’t felt too motivated to do much of anything. My bouts of depression are like a person that sits across the room from me.

People on this Planet seem so cold. So removed from everything. There is no compassion, no understanding. The internet can be an ugly place. As much as I love interacting with people on Twitter, I know when to pull back. The amount of ignorance and insensitivity astounds me. I spend a lot of time alone with my own thoughts. I find myself preferring the company of my plants than humans as of late! Yet there are moments when I feel completely alone and misunderstood. There are times when I feel like a visitor from another world trying to navigate my way on this Planet called Earth.

This evening I did a brief meditation with the Earth Magic Oracle Cards. I asked what the lesson would be for this week, and I pulled the Desert (Vision Quest) card. The desert is an ideal place for visions to come to you. I do feel like I’m wandering in the wilderness alone and I realize where I am is where I need to be. The card encourages one to carry some water, with a few sacred items. Less is more for me this week. Its time for a major vision quest. For the next two weeks I’ll be fasting, and meditating. Its all about solitude.

Have you ever been on a ‘vision quest’ of your own? And if so, what triggered it and what did you learn while on your quest?

The Hungry Ghosts and The Taurus New Moon

Diego Rivera, The Flower Seller

“Let go of the illusion of lack, and accept things as they are: Perfect, abundant, meaningful expressions of the Divine.”- Colette Baron-Reid

 On April 21st we’ll be experiencing a New Moon in Earthy Taurus. Ruled by Venus the Planet of love, beauty and material possessions, we all may be focusing on new ways to make money, focusing on our finances, and resources. During this time we’ll be asking ourselves what success really means and creating ways to manifest our material dreams. I’m definitely paying close attention to this particular New Moon. Taurus rules my 8th house (The 8th house deals with resources, especially other people’s resources amongst other things.) And my Progressed Venus is now at 2’ Degrees Taurus in the 6th house of health and service. A few months ago after saving enough money, I left my job. I paid my rent a few months in advance and want to focus on a career in healing. I felt like the walking dead at my job and I really could not continue dealing with the rat-race for much longer.

The Asteroid Ceres who represents the harvest and nurturing will conjunct the Sun on the New Moon giving us a lot of opportunities to protect ourselves and look out for those we love. Ceres also deals with food, and I’m not surprised that there have been revelations about contaminated, deformed fish, crabs and shrimp on independent media outlets. Earth day is on the 22nd and with the Sun, Moon, Jupiter and Ceres is Earthy Taurus, this is the perfect time to focus on not just healing ourselves, but mother Earth as well. Our home Planet is being neglected big time. Its time for us to wake up in terms of how we are treating the place we live. Mother Earth is a landlord I would not play with. If we keep on, she’ll evict all of us.

Tonight I did a brief meditation using the Wisdom Of The Hidden Realms Oracle deck by Colette Baron-Reid. During my brief meditation, I pulled the Hungry Ghosts card. This card can deal with a fear of lack. Since leaving my job, there have been moment when I’ve obsessed about money and finances. This card is encouraging me to define what success means to me and to stop comparing myself to other people. I’m letting go of the illusion of not having, and plan on visualizing myself surrounded by abundance. Not just material abundance either. I’m visualizing me surrounded by love, support and creativity. I deserve to be comfortable and earning a living doing the things that I love. I’m going to make it my business not to feed any more hungry ghosts.

Taurus Oil:

• 4 drops of Oakmoss Bouquet
• 2 drops of Cardamom
• 1 drop of Ylang-Ylang

Aboriginal educator and artist, Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr-Bauman talks about challenges facing Aboriginal communities, and the Aboriginal concept of ‘dadirri’, a form of deep inner listening and contemplation. Trusting our inner voice is so important. Its something that I blog and Tweet about quite often. I’m learning through meditation and following my inner voice, I make better decisions.